Perfectionism - Does It Do More Harm Than Good
Perfectionism is often defined as the need to be or appear to be perfect. Those who are perfectionist, often have a tendency to believe that it’s possible to achieve perfection.
During my Reiki Masters program, this was one of the topics my Teacher touched on, which led me to also reflect, heal and integrate in my own soul’s path. The more I engaged with Twin Flames, and other people on a day to day basis, the more conditioning pattern I saw embedded within them which led me to write this article.
Whether this personality is viewed as being a positive trait or negative trait, we will dive deep into how it applies into your soul’s journey. In this article, we will break it down on some healthy aspects of being a perfectionist and also clarify having some of the non-healthy attachments.
What Is Perfectionism?
A perfectionist is a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection. In psychology, perfectionism is a personality trait disorder characterized by a person striving for flawlessness and setting excessive expectations, often leading to being overly critical of self. Too much emphasis is being given to people’s evaluation process and what they will think regarding their success and failures rather than their own self-acceptance. To a perfectionist, anything less than being perfect is unacceptable.
Why Do We Strive For Perfection?
Deriving for its inanimate meaning, perfectionism is often based out of our own ego mode vs the voice of our soul through our own inner wounding of fear. On a soul level, we are born flawless but as we continue to grow, we get trained into the predefined model of perfection. This is often bled down from our family lineage and societal conditioning during our childhood while we are prepared to be flawless.
As growing up, we are conditioned not to be failures and to be an epitome of perfection which often leads us to become hard on ourselves, especially if we meet failure in achieving it.
Some Signs of Perfectionism
With common mentality of being all or nothing, you develop negative traits in the act of becoming perfect. Below are some of the tell a tale signs you may often face while trying to strive for excellence.
Failure – In the attempt to strive for excellence, you begin to feel more failure than meeting success with everything you try.- Procrastination – In the attempt to seize the perfect opportunity or time, you begin resisting the idea of starting a new task because you are afraid not to complete it in a perfect way your mind has conjured.
- Deserving – In an attempt to seize the perfect opportunity, you will have the dire need to achieve something to feel your worth in deserving it. In this process you will become obsessed in achieving your goals to meet the criteria vs enjoying the process.
- Dreams – The fear of not making it or experiencing loss, you will always keep dreaming that your goals and aspirations are out there somewhere “in the near future” vs trying it out.
- Critical – In the attempt to strive for a perfect opportunity, you begin to struggle while failing to relax and share your thoughts and feelings to others or seeking for much acquired help. Remember, criticism is a by-product of self-analysis and perfectionism.
- Controlling – The need to control your desires and wants while you become very controlling in your personal and professional relationships. This will lead into your expectations of people and things with disappointments after disappointments.
- Obsession – In the attempt to be perfect, you will either align to the eb and flow or become obsessed with rules, lists, and work, or alternately become extremely apathetic.
Mastering Perfectionism
People may use the term “healthy perfectionism” to describe or justify perfectionistic behavior.
While being with a healthy frame of mind and approach, it can be self-motivating and can create a powerful drive for you to overcome adversity and achieve success. When unhealthy, it can be a fast and enduring track to unhappiness and failure.
Self-mastery is an ongoing saga in your own soul’s journey, whereas perfectionism indicates that you have arrived, that you have made it and are done with. Being able to master your weaknesses is important. To learn to accept your flaws, to learn to love them vs being overly critical rather than being hard on yourself does more harm than good.
Self-mastery is an inward journey whereas perfectionism is an outward journey. In order to heal and grow, you need to heal from inwards which will result in the outwards. Mastery focuses on self-worth whereas perfectionism reduces self-worth.
Healthy Perfectionism
- Goals – Set healthy and realistic small goals that is more attainable rather being too farfetched. As you achieve the little set goals, strive for bigger ones. The idea is to first learn to crawl, then walk, then run, then sprint.
- Tasks – Let’s face it, sometimes we have larger tasks to complete which sends us in the panic mode. So, in this instance, you can try breaking overwhelming tasks into small ones rather than getting overwhelmed by the overall task.
- Focus – Rather than getting overwhelmed by many tasks, breathe, and focus on one activity or one task at a time. By going into a frantic state, you will not be able to accomplish your tasks in a timely or productive manner.
- Realization – You need to understand that everyone is not perfect, and that part of your life lessons is to also make mistakes, heal and grow from the lessons taught. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that they are not perfect.
- Opportunities – On a soul level, know that this was all part of your soul script that you chose to learn from. Recognize that most mistakes present learning opportunities and growth for your soul. Mistakes are part of life lessons which succumbs to no one.
- Outcomes – By confronting your fears of failure, you are learning to go with the flow vs needing to control the situation and its outcome. Remain realistic about possible outcomes on whatever they are, whether you aimed for as your “end result” or not.
What Causes Perfectionism
Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment from others. There is likely a social component as well, because perfectionistic tendencies have increased substantially among people over the past 60 years, regardless of gender or culture. Greater academic and professional competition is thought to play a role, along with the pervasive presence of social media and the harmful social comparisons it elicits.
The dire need to constantly please your parents or siblings can also be a factor. This is part of the cultural and societal expectation bestowed on you as a child, a burden you tended to carry all your life.
If this was your story, learn to acknowledge this aspect and release it back to the Universe. Apply forgiveness to those involved and accept that you are simply good enough no matter where life takes you herein forth.
Being Hard On Yourself
By constantly looking through the lenses of your wounding, you will never be able to master the art of self-mastery. You may believe that you do not have to work in this area but remember these are subconscious wounds and patterns placed by people and your own experiences from the past.
There is a difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection.
Confidence is not about walking into a room thinking you are better than everyone else. It is walking into a room and not having to compare yourself with anyone in it at all.
Most often we feel by fulfilling our aspired goals and dreams is finding that ultimate happiness. Finding happiness is when you make peace with the fact that the purpose of your life is not seeking happiness in everything, but rather experiences and growth on a soul level.
When you see it through the lens of your inner soul, you learn that happiness is a byproduct of what you are not seeking on the outside of you, but merely a byproduct of what you feel from inside. When you are not seeking it as the objective, you will find that happiness will find its way to you.
How To Overcome Perfectionism
Letting go of the comparison mindset can lead to letting go of the need to be constantly in comparison with people. A healthy competition should be your competition to your self-mastery. The key is to realize that your “end result” can be worthwhile even if it is not the standards you originally set out for.
Judgement
Let go of false self-prosecution and judgement. Let go of the resentment to self for not completing or accomplishing your tasks. Instead give yourself a pep-talk that maybe it was simply not meant to happen or be, that there is something better in store for you. Accepting failure is not showing weakness. Failures are still part of success.
If Thomas Edison didn’t fail thousand times, he wouldn’t have been able to create a light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail thousand times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail thousand times. The light bulb was an invention with thousand steps.”
“Great success is built on many failures, frustration, and even catastrophes.” Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4 years old and did not read until he was 7 years old.
Negative Perfectionism
Negative perfectionism is unremitting and compulsive behavior in the process of striving to meet one’s goals. There are typically 4 types of negative or excessive behavior which derives from negative perfectionism.
Compulsive behavior – Compulsive behaviors are actions that are engaged repeatedly and consistently, despite the fact that it is experienced as aversive or troubling. To overcome or manage compulsive behaviors, one must take medical treatment or psychological help in order to heal and manage or overcome these difficult patterns.
Neurotic behavior – Neurotic behavior is often derived from an unconscious level where the person tends to unnecessarily worry that they will lose control of their urges to be perfect, resulting in self sabotage. Reality kicks in through anxiety, their self-induced fears, self-doubt, depression, being self-conscious and so forth.
Imposter behavior – Imposter behavior is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as being a “fraud.” This is a self-induced pattern often stemming from their childhood and upbringing which resulted in a subconscious pattern and trauma.
Narcissistic behavior – Narcissistic behavior is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, often leading to troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. In this case, to achieve their objective, the individual does not care whose emotions they perish.
This brings me to the conclusion of this article. As a Twin Flame Teacher, you cannot imagine how many times I come across Twin Flames who are in dire need to achieve perfectionism or suffer from the lack of. Not only it is a pattern within them to heal inwards, but they also scan through their own lenses of imperfection to see how their own Twin Flame is not meeting their expectations when it comes to their relationship dynamics.
You cannot control what your Twin Flame is doing or not doing, but you can focus and heal your own inner wounding woven around the issue to be perfect. “Give yourself some credit for the days you have made it through when you thought you couldn’t endure.” Reflect on the many layers of the teachings embedded within this article. Read it a few times to completely grasp its content. Then heal and integrate the teachings for your soul’s journey ahead.
Hope you enjoyed reading this article and it finds you well. If you wish to purchase any of my services, click here. Feel free to share this article if it resonates. Thank you and much blessings.
Know your journey, know your connection.
Twin Flame Union
